It Doesn't Matter

Some care.

Some are interested.

Some try to understand.

Some are two of three, few are three of three.

Most are one, or none.

Mostly none.

It’s just recreation.

It’s just a hobby.

How is work?

Where do you live?

Are you buying a house?

Girlfriend or fiancée?

Are you moving home?

Home? That’s where I came from when I came here.

Oh.

But it defines me. That’s who I am. And you really don’t care?

What consumes most of my waking thoughts, and sometimes my dreams; it really makes no difference to ninety- nine percent of the world.

Make that ninety-nine point nine.

What I spend all my free time doing.

What I spent all my money on.

What I save all my money for.

It doesn’t seem matter to anyone.

Except me.

I realize it’s not what I have done, but who I have become.

Failure doesn’t crush me anymore.

I smile, and dig deeper.

I look in the mirror. I search them out. I find my flaws.

I don’t become stronger by focusing on what I’m good at.

I accept myself, with my weaknesses.

I own them.

It hurts, but the hurt is temporary.

I make those weak places strong.

I don’t let fear lurk.

I admit it. Verbally.

Often to the people I’d like to impress.

Let go of fear.

Commit.

I am humbled.

I have nothing to prove.

When it doesn’t matter, I am better. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Clearing my head with a cold run through the farmlands where I grew up, far from the mountains.